I Don't Have a Drinking Problem!
by muaaimoi
Summary: Honestly, how can a guy defeat a dark Lord and not need some Gin .Its funny just read it .No pairing unless I get enough reviews for a specific person.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Harry Potter.

I Do Not Have A Drinking Problem!

By: muaaimoi

Harry does not have a drinking problem.

Yes, Harry does drink ...often...but he does not have a dependency.

Harry simply believes that shit happens. And that when something really shitty happens , it warrants a drink.

The actual problem that brought up the whole dispute of Harry's drinking is that shit happened often to Harry.

So really Harry is never surprised when he wakes up somewhere with a hangover. The problems stems from the fact that everyone else is.

Many people have tried to stop Harry from drinking. None of them ever made any headway. Eventually they all gave up and it was decided that every time Harry went out to drink he would have to take someone with him.

The first one who tried insisted that since he was Harry's best friend he would be the best one for the job. Harry always listened to his advice right? He was instantly banned from the duty when Harry showed up alone at Hogwarts and Ron was found in an ally the next day. He was one of the lucky ones.

Next to try was Hermione .They figured that since she was a know it all busy body she would be able to stop Harry from drinking, Of course the fact that she was head girl and knew more hexes than any other student guaranteed that no one told her this to her face. She was also banned when Harry once again showed up at Hogwarts alone and Hermione was tracked down to Atlantic city in the US in a casino. The people who went to retrieve her never spoke of the incident, and Hermione herself will hex anyone who asks into oblivion, even the teachers.

After Hermione it was decided that Seamus and Dean would give it a go. They would go together so that if one of them got distracted then the other would step in. They were also banned from the "duty'' when Harry had to be bailed out of a muggle jail the next day. Seamus and Dean where tracked down to a gay strip club. No one ever asked and they most certainly didn't tell.

No one was sure why they tried Neville. Some speculate that they hoped Harry's protective instincts would come into play. Others just figured they were getting desperate. The next day Harry was found asleep on a park. No one knows for sure what happened to Neville. All they found out was that the Longbottom vaults he had access to where emptied and whenever his name was mentioned in Knocturn Ally everything went eerily quiet.

By this point Harry was frankly amazed they were still trying. Ginny and Cho said that they were sure they could distract the young, handsome and ''troubled'' hero. Again the events of the night are a mystery .But Ginny was never quite the same now faints at the sight of bananas. No one even bothered to try and find Cho after Harry was asked and he simply went and got drunk again.

No one knows who the hell got Snape to take a crack at it. Everyone does however; agree that whoever that person was had the celestial deities on their side. Harry was found two weeks later on a rift .Snape was discovered in Transylvania later that same month, he refused to leave. By now people were sure they just did not want to know.

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Hey this jus popped into my head and I had to Type it. R&R.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok I sort of neglected to mention this is happening in their 7th year , voldemort is dead and I'm neglecting HBP and there are no soul fragments.

I don't own Harry Potter . But one can dream...

I Do Not Have A Drinking Problem!

By: muaaimoi

When Malfoy was asked to try everyone within hearing distance laughed their ass off. So it was kind of a given that when he accepted many people were checked into the hospital. Harry himself actually protested when they told him who his new drinking buddy would be. No one was sure how they felt about it when they came back afterwards. He was quite happy when he arrived at Hogwarts with Malfoy ten feet behind him with his robes shredded and a green tinge to his paler than usual complexion. Malfoy was reported missing the next day .

Tonks had decided to give it a go out of sheer curiosity. She was one of the few people who still badgered Harry on what happened when he went out. Everyone in Hogwarts received the shock of their lives when Tonks and Harry came back together and very, very happy .This went on for a month in which every one celebrated what they thought was success. Up until one night in which Harry actually hadn't wanted to go out and Tonks put him on wand point. She then proceeded to march him out of the castle and straight to a bar. Every one soon realized that Tonks was actually making Harry's drinking problem worse she was banned. She was arrested the next day for assault on the headmaster.

Moaning Myrtle was another person who put the already questionable sanity of Dumbledore up for debate. However he had said something about Myrtle being a good distraction that had made enough sense to every one for them to allow her to give it a try. Harry and the ghost had disappeared for a month in which no one could find head or tale of either of them. When Harry was found it was by himself in Japan .And when asked about Myrtles whereabouts he simply teared up and said she was in a very happy place. It should be noted however that Harry now had a separate Gringotts vault that got considerably fuller every week and he got bright neon pink books in the mail that he always burned.

McGonagall trying was surprisingly unsurprising. This fact worried every one severely and led to more than one person dropping out.

Her reasoning was that Harry needed someone who wouldn't put up with anything inappropriate and that she was the ideal person for the job. When Harry came back McGonagall wasn't with him. She sent in her resignation letter the next day. It should be noted that the parchment smelt strongly like stale cabbage and cats.

Luna was turned down when she suggested that she try. Everyone agreed that she was the last person that they wanted Harry to go drinking with. This led to very put out Luna and surprisingly Harry. Personally Harry had wondered what it would have been like to go with Luna as she was in his opinion one of the more interesting people at Hogwarts .He and Luna could later be found hovering over a piece of parchment in a way far to reminiscent of Fred and George for comfort.

Last but not least Dumbledore himself gave it a shot. The Headmaster was never heard from again. Interestingly enough every death eater except Snape who disappeared was found dead the next day. Harry when asked had said that the head master had resigned and used drinking with him as an excuse to leave fairly unnoticed. No one questioned it. No one thought it was worth it. They were also rather preoccupied with the prank war that was taking place in Hogwarts.

In the end they just let Luna go with him out of sheer desperation. There was also the simple fact that they were jaded and thought that at least Luna's insanity wasn't disturbing. Usually anyway .And so Harry's drinking went down. Anyone who pointed out that that was rather anticlimactic was hexed into oblivion by all parties involved.

Lol and R&R

The end. This will make a lot more sense if you read the squeal. R&R my dears


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